This type of game is such a strange experience. You put so much into character and the game is so long, that after 66 days it seems really weird to not be in
the game; to not sign on; to not talk to these people; to not be a part of it all. It's oddly surreal.
But since I did tend to ramble here - usually when upset - I wanted to do this wrap-up, with my real thoughts on those left, and clear up some other things, too. For those who don't have the patience and energy to go through 9 rounds of confessionals, many of which were in the moment things, anyway. And I guess I should do it now before much happens to change what I have to say.
Besides, jury lodge is a bit quiet and I need a place to get away from Fantine.
So, in descending order, the remaining houseguests:
Dominic - my Dominic! I don't get why people say he has no personality. I've always gotten along with him very well and found him very easy to talk to and really funny. I have realized here more than ever that this is what happens to some people. Some people do not bond with everyone. If they aren't comfortable with people, people find them boring or hard to talk to. If they are comfortable with someone, they have a great personality and can make jokes without worrying that the other person won't get that it is a joke. I get that cause I feel like I am the same way. And you have to love the person that attempted to keep me calm and optimistic. Of course, his optimism has fallen off a bit lately too. I had the best relationship in the house with Dom and we could always feel comfortable talking to each other. From very early on, he was the one I trusted and the one I wanted to fully work with. And even though he didn't understand me worrying about a final 2 at the final 15, I felt we would be together to the end. There's a part of me that hopes he doesn't forget me and replace me and become really close to someone else in the next 35 days. There is a lot of game left. But that's selfish, and I do want him to be at the end.
I am not however at all sure that I would want Dominic and Omar to be the final 2, even if that could happen. I'd feel sorta discarded, even if they didn't want me to go.
Omar - I'm glad I patched things up with Omar before I left. The night before, we were barely speaking. And maybe it didn't matter to Omar if we did make up. Maybe he really didn't need me anymore and have a use to chat with me. But I'm glad we talked. Under other circumstances, I do believe that Omar and I could have been closer. We do have ways that we think alike and we did have good chats for a while. But as far as strategy goes, once we started clashing, it wasn't going to hold together. Also, although I do not clearly blame Omar for my communication probems with Jeremiah, and there were so many other factors... I do feel like he blew them up. And I'm not entirely sure that I care for the random power moves. I'd vote Omar over a lot of the people left. ANY day. Out of respect for intelligence he showed early in the game. But I am not sure at the moment if I would really choose for him to make final 2. I guess I would, because the other options are overall so bad, but I do feel that Omar is the very 'aligned with everyone' strategy route I did not want to go. And I am almost sure he has alliances with the evil duo of Jeremiah and Martin. Almost definitely Jeremiah. And that's just disgusting.
Ed - It's hard to feel like Ed didn't have a part in my eviction. I don't know if that was intentional. Probably not, but who knows? He just wouldn't listen to my two cents on the format. I wanted to take my chances with the auto and he handed the power to Fantine. Yes, it was in hopes that Omar left, but still. It was too risky. I did feel somewhat close to Ed at times in this game and I wanted to work with him. After a slow start where I had no idea what he was thinking or doing, I had gained respect for Ed. Ed is pretty smart. And he is fun to talk to too. I wouldn't mind seeing him go to the end either.
Wendy - Wendy has clearly been playing all sides in this game. I did feel closer to her for a while, despite my early assessment that she was really bossy. But even now I have no idea where I stood with her. She is rather hard to read. And when she told me 'you can't tell me not to vote you if everyone else does', 15 minutes after telling me she wasn't going to... it didn't look particularly good. No I don't expect her to vote differently from everyone else or not do what she has to, but the problem here (and this was the case with most everyone honestly) was that they'd say one thing, then 20 minutes later, do another. At this point though I do like Wendy despite her need to take control, and there would be a lot worse people at the end.
Jay - Jay is just completely unreadable. The fact that he is not on as much is another factor that makes me wary of him being around towards the end, cause he really was hard to get in touch with for a while there. I do like Jay and enjoyed talking to him to a certain extent, and felt he was clearly the one of 'that group' that I was closest to by far, but his allegiance to the Martin and Jeremiah duo also made him impossible to fully work with.
Martin - in one word: condescending. Martin is the main reason I couldn't really stand to talk to that side my last week or two in the house. Every time I'd talk to him, he'd flat out tell me I was in trouble and that the rest of his people disliked me, (not that others didn't do tht too; Ed did, Jay did, Omar did; it got old.) Martin has spent this WHOLE GAME telling everyone every alliance he ever had. When mine with Omar and Dom came out - and it wasn't even ME that told everyone about it - I got evicted. Why is he still here?! His game play has been massively flawed and arrogant. And as much as I'd laugh when he said something stupid about spring break or exams, he was ridiculously bad at staying in character.
Lena - To be honest, I am not sure I don't dislike Lena more than anyone. Even Jeremiah. Lena is not only a bitch but a fake one. She spent the early game talking about she'd always tell it like it is and be straightforward. Yet she told Fantine absolutely everything about our alliance, turned on me for no reason I ever learned, and HASN'T DONE ANYTHING ALL GAME, unless you count post naked pics and whine in nom speeches. She is the most boring under the radar player left. And she barely talks to anyone anymore. Rumor has it that Lena will definitely be the last female standing. That makes me sick. Her character is basically a blond whore - the very character type I hate to begin with. (Oh yay! A porn star! I said sarcastically coming into the game and seeing her pic. And that image did not change.) She has a really annoying illiterate typing style. And if Lena is final 2 I will absolutely vomit.
Jeremiah - .... I've elaborated at length on Jeremiah. At the end of the day, he is boring dramatic and bitchy. I am VERY sorry he won this little battle between the two of us. It makes me feel a little cheap and dirty. At the same time, even if his character would have been as annoying as ever, it should not have escalated to the point that it did. When Dominic said that he said I was boring, that just made me mad because that is the very problem that irritates me most. The people that drop conversations and then call it my fault. It struck a nerve. After that, yes, I hated Jeremiah. But no, had Omar not vented to him during our fight, it would probably not have gotten to the point where we never spoke at all. I feel Jeremiah will be around near the end cause everyone wants him there for a final 2; because he -doesn't- have great social skill, even if I was the only one he didn't speak to at all. This makes me sick, too.
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On to other issues!
*"The deal"/being spineless: For those who haven't heard, Fantine's deal was that if I accused Omar, she'd not nominate me. My not taking this deal had nothing whatsoever to do with being spineless. Yes I still had loyalty to my allies not to do that, but that wasn't the only factor. It had to do with the fact that Omar himself was HOH and I knew that the deal made no sense. What difference did it make it Omar nominated me or Fantine did if I was getting the votes if I went up? All that did was serve Fantine's agenda of getting Omar accusation nommed later. And furthermore, since it was clear that Fantine knew who I was too, I fully believed that she'd tell me that just to see if I'd do it and then nominate me anyway. Who else was she going to nominate at that point? It just.made.no.sense. If she really believes it did then wow. There are no words for how blinded her hatred of Omar made her. Because it didn't. Not only that but with my own identity floating around, I was no longer willing to accuse. Karma and all that. If Fantine knew who I was too, what kept her from saying to Omar: Yeah Sera accused you. Accuse her back. Back then, it did matter. Which brings me to:
The accusations: The fact that half the people probably ended up knowing my id was not out of sheer incompetence on my part at hiding it. Under normal circumstances, I don't believe anyone would have known. It started floating around round 2 when someone not even in the game (that did know) told 4 people and despite the fact that those people left fairly early, it made it's way through the cast. There wasn't much I could do about it.
The fight: IT WAS REAL. Honestly. The fight with Omar was an extreme example of bad timing. But it was NOT FAKE. No matter what Omar went and did afterwards, telling people not to target me. Ok. Check. It was real from my end. And I can't imagine from the way he reacted that Omar wasn't really mad, either. This incident truly did make a difference because from that moment on, everyone knew about the final 3 alliance, and no one believed me. And it wasn't even me that made it public so why was I the fake one? I really still don't get that.
The send-off: I liked it. 'Knowing she had a major impact on the game...' I really believe I did. In the beginning of the game, I was a major factor and a major player with a lot of influence. Things happened. But I was a big part of this game. I think and hope that I was memorable. That's really what I wanted. A better finish would have been great, but being memorable is important here too.
being the victim: I wasn't trying to make myself out to be that. Not really. I know I made mistakes. But so did EVERYONE. And yes in this game there were an unusual amount of factors going into things that I had nothing to do with really. WAS it my fault that every time my side had a chance at power they gave it to the enemy? Not at all. Was it my fault that my alliances were exposed? No. I didn't do it. And no... I still don't get why Lena turned on me. Fantine probably turned on me out of 'how dare you like Omar and Dominic when they are so horrible.' But Lena? I still don't know. And I won't read her stuff after the game cause it's annoying to read through, so... I may never know. Also, for Fantine to say that 'everyone painted themselves as the victim when it was all them' was incredibly hypocritical since the first person to play the victim was her bff Lena. The only thing that was my fault even in part was:
the communication problems: And as I addressed before, I wasn't aligned with everyone. I wasn't comfortable with them. I didn't enjoy having pointless conversations or having every single person remind me that I was soon to go. I did not start it. I spoke to everyone except Jeremiah until AFTER Lena and Fantine started pushing for me to go. Yes, maybe I should say oh who cares?!, and push through and keep talking but honestly as I said in other confessionals, it wasn't like they were even listening. They had their image of me and it wasn't changing. At all. And no, accusing Omar would not have changed any minds, no matter what Fantine wanted me to believe.
"It sucks to go out 6-0": Ok that made me feel a little silly. But when I did my eviction speech it seemed clear that it would be. I really have no idea who the vote was for me to stay. I'd say Fantine probably voted Dominic, but I don't really know why she would. Even if she preferred that he go, I assumed she'd say 'well I made a difference regardless, so let me vote her and get the satisfaction of that and know I voted for one of them.' Who knows?
Haunting: It was requested that I sign on to help certain people get through "Kitty week". I don't know if that's something they really want or if they just say it. I'm on jury and jurors do get played up to. I do miss some people though. Yes we made comments when Brian Xerxes and Joseph wouldn't stop signing on, but it is different after 66 days. You definitely are way more invested and closer to people.
"You won't win": I don't know. It wouldn't have been easy. There were definitely votes I was never getting. But with anyone other than Omar, there was a chance of it. For sure.
last regret: I regret that I didn't win a second HOH. The one I won was week one and it was on popularity. I really wanted to win one on skill. Or, another one at all. My goal was to survive that week and win this one. I had another pic I wanted to use. Maybe I'll post it to my fan thread to thank them for the support.
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Ok I think that I have covered everything I wanted to.
I'll be back for jury questions.
Signing off from sequester.... til then...
~Sera
But since I did tend to ramble here - usually when upset - I wanted to do this wrap-up, with my real thoughts on those left, and clear up some other things, too. For those who don't have the patience and energy to go through 9 rounds of confessionals, many of which were in the moment things, anyway. And I guess I should do it now before much happens to change what I have to say.
Besides, jury lodge is a bit quiet and I need a place to get away from Fantine.
So, in descending order, the remaining houseguests:
Dominic - my Dominic! I don't get why people say he has no personality. I've always gotten along with him very well and found him very easy to talk to and really funny. I have realized here more than ever that this is what happens to some people. Some people do not bond with everyone. If they aren't comfortable with people, people find them boring or hard to talk to. If they are comfortable with someone, they have a great personality and can make jokes without worrying that the other person won't get that it is a joke. I get that cause I feel like I am the same way. And you have to love the person that attempted to keep me calm and optimistic. Of course, his optimism has fallen off a bit lately too. I had the best relationship in the house with Dom and we could always feel comfortable talking to each other. From very early on, he was the one I trusted and the one I wanted to fully work with. And even though he didn't understand me worrying about a final 2 at the final 15, I felt we would be together to the end. There's a part of me that hopes he doesn't forget me and replace me and become really close to someone else in the next 35 days. There is a lot of game left. But that's selfish, and I do want him to be at the end.
I am not however at all sure that I would want Dominic and Omar to be the final 2, even if that could happen. I'd feel sorta discarded, even if they didn't want me to go.
Omar - I'm glad I patched things up with Omar before I left. The night before, we were barely speaking. And maybe it didn't matter to Omar if we did make up. Maybe he really didn't need me anymore and have a use to chat with me. But I'm glad we talked. Under other circumstances, I do believe that Omar and I could have been closer. We do have ways that we think alike and we did have good chats for a while. But as far as strategy goes, once we started clashing, it wasn't going to hold together. Also, although I do not clearly blame Omar for my communication probems with Jeremiah, and there were so many other factors... I do feel like he blew them up. And I'm not entirely sure that I care for the random power moves. I'd vote Omar over a lot of the people left. ANY day. Out of respect for intelligence he showed early in the game. But I am not sure at the moment if I would really choose for him to make final 2. I guess I would, because the other options are overall so bad, but I do feel that Omar is the very 'aligned with everyone' strategy route I did not want to go. And I am almost sure he has alliances with the evil duo of Jeremiah and Martin. Almost definitely Jeremiah. And that's just disgusting.
Ed - It's hard to feel like Ed didn't have a part in my eviction. I don't know if that was intentional. Probably not, but who knows? He just wouldn't listen to my two cents on the format. I wanted to take my chances with the auto and he handed the power to Fantine. Yes, it was in hopes that Omar left, but still. It was too risky. I did feel somewhat close to Ed at times in this game and I wanted to work with him. After a slow start where I had no idea what he was thinking or doing, I had gained respect for Ed. Ed is pretty smart. And he is fun to talk to too. I wouldn't mind seeing him go to the end either.
Wendy - Wendy has clearly been playing all sides in this game. I did feel closer to her for a while, despite my early assessment that she was really bossy. But even now I have no idea where I stood with her. She is rather hard to read. And when she told me 'you can't tell me not to vote you if everyone else does', 15 minutes after telling me she wasn't going to... it didn't look particularly good. No I don't expect her to vote differently from everyone else or not do what she has to, but the problem here (and this was the case with most everyone honestly) was that they'd say one thing, then 20 minutes later, do another. At this point though I do like Wendy despite her need to take control, and there would be a lot worse people at the end.
Jay - Jay is just completely unreadable. The fact that he is not on as much is another factor that makes me wary of him being around towards the end, cause he really was hard to get in touch with for a while there. I do like Jay and enjoyed talking to him to a certain extent, and felt he was clearly the one of 'that group' that I was closest to by far, but his allegiance to the Martin and Jeremiah duo also made him impossible to fully work with.
Martin - in one word: condescending. Martin is the main reason I couldn't really stand to talk to that side my last week or two in the house. Every time I'd talk to him, he'd flat out tell me I was in trouble and that the rest of his people disliked me, (not that others didn't do tht too; Ed did, Jay did, Omar did; it got old.) Martin has spent this WHOLE GAME telling everyone every alliance he ever had. When mine with Omar and Dom came out - and it wasn't even ME that told everyone about it - I got evicted. Why is he still here?! His game play has been massively flawed and arrogant. And as much as I'd laugh when he said something stupid about spring break or exams, he was ridiculously bad at staying in character.
Lena - To be honest, I am not sure I don't dislike Lena more than anyone. Even Jeremiah. Lena is not only a bitch but a fake one. She spent the early game talking about she'd always tell it like it is and be straightforward. Yet she told Fantine absolutely everything about our alliance, turned on me for no reason I ever learned, and HASN'T DONE ANYTHING ALL GAME, unless you count post naked pics and whine in nom speeches. She is the most boring under the radar player left. And she barely talks to anyone anymore. Rumor has it that Lena will definitely be the last female standing. That makes me sick. Her character is basically a blond whore - the very character type I hate to begin with. (Oh yay! A porn star! I said sarcastically coming into the game and seeing her pic. And that image did not change.) She has a really annoying illiterate typing style. And if Lena is final 2 I will absolutely vomit.
Jeremiah - .... I've elaborated at length on Jeremiah. At the end of the day, he is boring dramatic and bitchy. I am VERY sorry he won this little battle between the two of us. It makes me feel a little cheap and dirty. At the same time, even if his character would have been as annoying as ever, it should not have escalated to the point that it did. When Dominic said that he said I was boring, that just made me mad because that is the very problem that irritates me most. The people that drop conversations and then call it my fault. It struck a nerve. After that, yes, I hated Jeremiah. But no, had Omar not vented to him during our fight, it would probably not have gotten to the point where we never spoke at all. I feel Jeremiah will be around near the end cause everyone wants him there for a final 2; because he -doesn't- have great social skill, even if I was the only one he didn't speak to at all. This makes me sick, too.
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On to other issues!
*"The deal"/being spineless: For those who haven't heard, Fantine's deal was that if I accused Omar, she'd not nominate me. My not taking this deal had nothing whatsoever to do with being spineless. Yes I still had loyalty to my allies not to do that, but that wasn't the only factor. It had to do with the fact that Omar himself was HOH and I knew that the deal made no sense. What difference did it make it Omar nominated me or Fantine did if I was getting the votes if I went up? All that did was serve Fantine's agenda of getting Omar accusation nommed later. And furthermore, since it was clear that Fantine knew who I was too, I fully believed that she'd tell me that just to see if I'd do it and then nominate me anyway. Who else was she going to nominate at that point? It just.made.no.sense. If she really believes it did then wow. There are no words for how blinded her hatred of Omar made her. Because it didn't. Not only that but with my own identity floating around, I was no longer willing to accuse. Karma and all that. If Fantine knew who I was too, what kept her from saying to Omar: Yeah Sera accused you. Accuse her back. Back then, it did matter. Which brings me to:
The accusations: The fact that half the people probably ended up knowing my id was not out of sheer incompetence on my part at hiding it. Under normal circumstances, I don't believe anyone would have known. It started floating around round 2 when someone not even in the game (that did know) told 4 people and despite the fact that those people left fairly early, it made it's way through the cast. There wasn't much I could do about it.
The fight: IT WAS REAL. Honestly. The fight with Omar was an extreme example of bad timing. But it was NOT FAKE. No matter what Omar went and did afterwards, telling people not to target me. Ok. Check. It was real from my end. And I can't imagine from the way he reacted that Omar wasn't really mad, either. This incident truly did make a difference because from that moment on, everyone knew about the final 3 alliance, and no one believed me. And it wasn't even me that made it public so why was I the fake one? I really still don't get that.
The send-off: I liked it. 'Knowing she had a major impact on the game...' I really believe I did. In the beginning of the game, I was a major factor and a major player with a lot of influence. Things happened. But I was a big part of this game. I think and hope that I was memorable. That's really what I wanted. A better finish would have been great, but being memorable is important here too.
being the victim: I wasn't trying to make myself out to be that. Not really. I know I made mistakes. But so did EVERYONE. And yes in this game there were an unusual amount of factors going into things that I had nothing to do with really. WAS it my fault that every time my side had a chance at power they gave it to the enemy? Not at all. Was it my fault that my alliances were exposed? No. I didn't do it. And no... I still don't get why Lena turned on me. Fantine probably turned on me out of 'how dare you like Omar and Dominic when they are so horrible.' But Lena? I still don't know. And I won't read her stuff after the game cause it's annoying to read through, so... I may never know. Also, for Fantine to say that 'everyone painted themselves as the victim when it was all them' was incredibly hypocritical since the first person to play the victim was her bff Lena. The only thing that was my fault even in part was:
the communication problems: And as I addressed before, I wasn't aligned with everyone. I wasn't comfortable with them. I didn't enjoy having pointless conversations or having every single person remind me that I was soon to go. I did not start it. I spoke to everyone except Jeremiah until AFTER Lena and Fantine started pushing for me to go. Yes, maybe I should say oh who cares?!, and push through and keep talking but honestly as I said in other confessionals, it wasn't like they were even listening. They had their image of me and it wasn't changing. At all. And no, accusing Omar would not have changed any minds, no matter what Fantine wanted me to believe.
"It sucks to go out 6-0": Ok that made me feel a little silly. But when I did my eviction speech it seemed clear that it would be. I really have no idea who the vote was for me to stay. I'd say Fantine probably voted Dominic, but I don't really know why she would. Even if she preferred that he go, I assumed she'd say 'well I made a difference regardless, so let me vote her and get the satisfaction of that and know I voted for one of them.' Who knows?
Haunting: It was requested that I sign on to help certain people get through "Kitty week". I don't know if that's something they really want or if they just say it. I'm on jury and jurors do get played up to. I do miss some people though. Yes we made comments when Brian Xerxes and Joseph wouldn't stop signing on, but it is different after 66 days. You definitely are way more invested and closer to people.
"You won't win": I don't know. It wouldn't have been easy. There were definitely votes I was never getting. But with anyone other than Omar, there was a chance of it. For sure.
last regret: I regret that I didn't win a second HOH. The one I won was week one and it was on popularity. I really wanted to win one on skill. Or, another one at all. My goal was to survive that week and win this one. I had another pic I wanted to use. Maybe I'll post it to my fan thread to thank them for the support.
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Ok I think that I have covered everything I wanted to.
I'll be back for jury questions.
Signing off from sequester.... til then...
~Sera
